Shivlinga found at Commonwealth Games site

The commonwealth games village authority has a new challenge on their hands. Work on the jinxed project has been delayed further due to a sensational find. Ram Gopal Verma, a local doodhwala from Yamuna Pushta area, discovered a Shivlinga right in the center of the construction site. He had reportedly taken his cattle to graze on the Yamuna river-bed, which has been more a center of controversy than development.

Ram Gopal Verma, narrated the incident and said, "Hum to gaiyya chara rahe they. Tabhi Nandi, hamara saand, ekdum se baith gaya. Dekhne par pata chala ki wo Shivling ke saamne baitha tha. Tabhi humne purohit jee ko khabar dee." (I had brought my cattle to graze when my bull Nandi sat in front of the Shivling. Thereon, I informed the priest of my finding.)

The head-priest of Akshardan Temple has urged the gorment to grant this land for a religious cause. He said,"Its god's will that there should be a temple here instead of a games village. He saved the Ganga once, now he wants to save the Yamuna."

This finding totally overshadowed the efforts of more than 20 NGOs, who had gathered to plant samplings as a mark of silent protest against the making of the games village. All the samplings were reportedly destroyed by the deluge of TV-channel trucks on the site. This instant publicity has given Nandi, Ram Gopal's bull, a star status on television.

Mr. Nagpal, SP East-Delhi said,"We have filed a case of trespassing against Ram Gopal Verma and he has been detained for further questioning."

A procession is planned in the morning by 'Hindu Samaj' to celebrate the latest avatar of 'Nandi' and the finding of 'Shivlinga'. You are requested to check the local papers for traffic diversions.

McDonalds at Tihar

Mcdonalds India has reportedly received a request for catering services in Tihar Jail. Jail authorities have expressed concern over the unhygienic food being supplied in the premises and requested McDonalds to take up the contract.

Mr. Hawaldar, Jailer, said ," We cannot control the rat population, and the kitchen equipment is clearly outdated. We see preparing food as a non-core activity and our managing committee has thus decided to outsource it."

According to the contract, twenty soft-drink vending machines have to be set up and maintained at strategic locations throughout the campus. The VIP wing, on the other hand, will get a regular supply of canned drinks, with mini-freezers being installed in alternate cells (as a cost cutting measure).

Two in-house kitchens are to be set-up for the whole exercise. One will be a Jain kitchen catering to the vegetarian convicts, and the other will cater to non-vegetarian convicts. Special additions to the menu include bun-maska, pav-bhaji and cutting masala chai. As a special gesture towards Tihar criminals the service will also include a packet of smokes with each meal. ITC has agreed to sponsor these packets of Wills Navy Cut.

In addition, the meals will now be delivered to individual cells. McDonalds is reportedly training its staff on roller-skates for operational efficiency.

Commenting on this unique promotion activity Mr.Dhua, AVP marketing, ITC, said,"This will help us gain precious customers, and will result in 100% conversion to our brand of cigarettes."

Mr. Alluka, Sr. VP McDonalds, said,"We are at the due-diligence stage and would not like to comment on market speculation."

Finally, on this move, Mr. Hawaldar commented," The committee thinks that
McDonalds will introduce international standards of hygiene and will
also help in improving the quality of food available to esteemed
convicts. We also expect to reduce our medical bills by 30% with this effort."

On the other hand we have learnt from reliable sources that this move is not for convict welfare, but due to terrorist threats. Possibility of a bun-scam cannot be overruled.

The Protective GERE

According to unconfirmed reports Dilli Gorment has recently appointed Richard Gere as a one man committee to address the problems of Rag-Busters (The Delhi Rag-pickers Association). Rag-Busters have reportedly demanded protective gear from the gorment to save them from infections while rag-picking.

The gorment has said that it needs Rs. 300 for each of the 4500 rag pickers in dilli to provide protective gear. It has ushered in the services of Richard Gere, who enjoys the position of a serial kisser social worker in India to help raise funds as well as assist the rag pickers in their daily duties. Shilpa Shetty is reportedly joining him in the effort. She has said, that she would love to be a part of this noble cause as she hates filth. She will be sporting a specially designed old newspaper costume by Manish Malhotra at the event. Manish said," I have used special newspapers with Richard Gere kissing Shilpa, to keep him away this time around."

When asked, Mr. Kachra, waste minister of Dilli commented," Janta se anurodh hai, ke kachra kam karen aur Gire(Gere) ko sahara den!"

The big farse wedding strike

Big-Fat-Ass (Association of Big-Fat Tent Wallas of Delhi) has called for a three day bandh owing to the recent announcement banning lavish punjabi weddings in the city.
According to the announcement all weddings should be a simple affair without booze and non-vegetarian food.

The bandh is backed by Chicken-Mar (Chicken Market Association of Delhi) and MOTA (Mithai-Owners Trade Association). This bandh will affect all marriage functions, Pappu's birthday party and "The Big-Mithai Festival" to be inaugurated tomorrow.

All these associations have threatened to extend it into an indefinite strike if the decision is not reversed. Chicken-Mar especially has already stopped the supply of leg-pieces to the market.

This double blow by the association has already led to one casualty in the city. Mr. Harjinder Mullick could only utter the words,"Hey chicken..., Hey Chicken...", before collapsing one day prior to his great-great-grandson's big-fat wedding.
The Big-Mithai festival is also in danger of being swept off as most mithai merchants have reportedly pulled out. Not only that, they have created huge mounds of sugar on the event site causing quite a stir. Residential houses near the event site have reported sudden infestation of ants in their homes.

Mr. Doobe, our share and commodities market consultant has changed his rating on the sugar market from buy to sell, as he sees a sharp drop in sugar demand, owing to the strike.

Mr. Khote, our consultant lawyer very candidly commented,"Yahan murge ki jaan gayi, aur unhe shaadi ki padi hai!". He also said that the announcement has no legal bindings. He said,"The leaders can at-most make an appeal and pray that people follow."